If someone
was trying to lead people astray and had one word to confuse them with, what
would it be? I have to believe it would
be “love”.
I believe
that God has many aspects. Included in
that list would be omni-present, omni-powerful, omni-knowing, fully in control,
and righteous, holy, pure, true love.
This journey He has us on is a process of coming into harmony with His
indwelling within us, harmony with His maturing of us, and harmony with what He
is delivering us into….Himself. Based on
the following I would say that Christ wants us to understand just how important
it is to fully comprehend, embrace, and become one with this very aspect of our
father, His love.
One of them, a
lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, "Teacher, which is the great
commandment in the Law?" And He said to him, 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR
GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.'
"This is the great and foremost commandment. "The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE
YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' "On
these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."
If I were to
tell you that one form of evil includes humility, sacrifice, selflessness,
following the voice of The Spirit, self-control, and putting the spiritual well-being of others and yourself above your own physical desires what would you
tell me? I believe it is safe to assume
that you would tell me I am crazy and that I just defined the very nature of
God’s character.
If this is
true, why is it that we so quickly accept that there is a form of love that is
totally selfish, prideful, flesh led, lacking any form of self-control, and
that puts the spiritual well-being of others and even ourselves behind our own
physical desires?
In accepting
that “Eros” is a form of love, we unknowingly accept that all of the above
attributes are somehow intertwined within the “love nature” of God. The truth is, “Eros” is about as evil as it
gets. I know what you are going to
say….”Jeff, I understand what you are saying but eros is perfectly fine between
two married people.” I am not going to
agree or disagree with that at this point.
Instead I am going to lay a foundation and then ask a few questions. Here is the foundation:
Men and
women are each designed to respond to the other based on particular rolls for
which we were designed to carry out. Men
were designed to be spiritual covers and leaders. As such we respond when we are trusted and
respected for our spiritual guidance and spiritual protection of our spouses. Women were designed to fill in the gaps in
the character of men and to provide a soft and tender understanding to
difficult and challenging circumstances.
Women respond when they see their influence on the man’s spiritual
leading and when they feel his covering and spiritual guidance over them.
Now, here
are the questions:
- If Eros is all about the flesh, how is a man fulfilling his roll in the marriage when he embraces eros or encourages his wife to do the same? Is this a demonstration of spiritual leadership and cover?
- How will encouraging either to follow the flesh facilitate the responses that we were designed to embrace? Is a woman designed to affirm a man who encourages her to follow her flesh? Will she feel affirmed by a man who is following his flesh and encouraging her to do the same? Won’t following the flesh lead us into responses that only put greater demands on ourselves and our spouses? Have you ever had one thing in your life that you let your flesh dictate how, when, where, and why that was ever satisfied?
- Here is the really tough one; As is the case with all flesh driven needs the push for greater and greater never ends (because our partner was not designed to respond with affirmation to fleshly attempts to gain it). This plays directly against the progression of life as we become more and more distracted by life circumstances, work, family, finances, arguments, and disagreements. Adding insult to injury, we are fighting a futile war against time itself, our youth will dissipate, and our bodies will fail us, and our earning potential is not endless. Won't attempting to earn affirmation through physical means (athleticism, service, good looks, providing wealth, comfort, luxury, etc….) ultimately fail and leave us feeling rejected and hollow inside?
If you are
at all like me when God showed me this you probably feel like you have been hit
in the stomach and really fighting that it might actually be true. Probably my biggest question was, “What kind
of future is there if I let go of Eros?”
God was kind in this regard and He did show me what the future
held. He showed me that I would someday
be free of those aspects of myself that I most detest. He also showed me that my desire to be
affirmed by my wife would finally be quenched and that it would no longer be
based on what I provide or how she responds.
Instead I would affirm her through my spiritual leadership, and she
would affirm me as the result.
I feel it
important to dedicate on paragraph to how this fits into the most intimate
aspect of the marriage relationship. Within
the context of the marriage bed, husband and wife become fully “naked” before
one another in all of our brokenness, hurts, fears, and ugliness. This is a place where we embrace, honor,
accept, and affirm one another right where we are at. It is the image of a person accepting Christ
for the first time. He meets us right
where we are and tells us we are OK, worthy of His love, and capable of amazing
things. Regardless as to how dirty,
ugly, or undeserving we feel inside. The
spiritual leadership of the husband is to allow the Spirit to lead the couple’s
love making from flesh to Spirit through the same process as God leads him from
flesh to Spirit in other aspects of his life.
As a part of this process he will see and understand the spiritual
freedom Christ is delivering his wife into and will allow the spirit to guide
the progression of their common spirit.
The challenge is to meet each other here, in our flesh driven lives, and
not establish a dependent/co-dependent relationship where the fleshly passions
convince us to remain complacent toward our spiritual growth. Instead we are to be Christ to one another,
meeting each other where we are, helping each other heal of past betrayals, and
watching each other bloom into all that God desires for us. The truth is, real spiritual leadership
doesn’t move too fast, push too hard, or feel burdensome one to the other. True spiritual leadership is willing to be
slow, patient, and understanding, knowing that the true work is of the spirit,
not of man.
Here is what
is really cool. As I have allowed the
Spirit to guide me toward embracing leadership and cover and to let go of any
seeking of affirmation through works, our marriage has taken on a totally new
look. I have dropped my expectations of
Robyn’s responses to my works, and she has dropped her expectations of my
works. Robyn has come to see that my
heart is in the right place, I do want to be her spiritual cover, and that I
want to lead our relationship into all that God desires for us. She understands that I have had many years of
hurts and fears that I must allow Christ to carry me through. She sees my willingness to listen to the
Spirit and keep moving forward. As such,
she understand when I back slide and offers words of encouragement instead of
beating me down. At the same time I accept
that Robyn has had many hurts and betrayals in her life. As such she will not always respond to me in
a Christ like manner. This is where I
step in as her cover. I accept her negative
responses as my burden and I take them to Christ on her behalf. I confess them to Christ and argue her case
before Him. This opens my heart to
seeing her pain, her rejections, and her journey. It allows me to see her heart through her
actions instead of focusing on them. As
we remain true to this journey we have seen the change, we know it is true, and
we can see a glimpse of what it is that God has in store for us as we let go of
everything we have ever known.
Here is the
progression:
- I trusted Christ to make me a spiritual leader,
- I trusted Christ when He told me that Robyn would affirm me when she saw Him through me,
- Robyn did affirm me when she saw my willingness to let Christ live through me, be her cover, and be a man willing to follow the voice of the Spirit,
- Robyn’s affirmation proved to me that Christ was true to His word, that His way would work, that it would satisfy, and that it is what we both truly desire,
- This led me back to the voice of the Spirit and the strength of Christ where another round of letting go, leading, affirmation, and confirmation soon followed.
What Robyn
and I have come to understand is that as I listen more, lean on Christ more,
and follow the voice of the Spirit more, she is starting to see Him in me more
and more. I have come to understand that
in her seeing Him in me she is motivated to become more like Him as well. All of a sudden what I do, or how well I do
it no longer matters, she sees Him in me and this draws Him from her. I really don’t know of any other way of
expressing what Robyn and I are beginning to see in each other…it’s just
Him. Not all the time, but
enough….enough to know, to understand, and to trust. It is enough to give us a picture of what we
both are committed to allow. We are
together on this and the hope is Christ.
Another
interesting point is that this aspect of our design extends to all aspects of
life, into and through every relationship.
If we establish a physical performance model for “earning” affirmation
from our spouse we basically set the standard of performance for all areas of
our relationship with her. If we do this
with our spouse more than likely we will do the same with our children,
employer, employees, co-workers, friends, and relatives. Everything in our lives will become about
earning affirmation from others based on our ability to manipulate satisfaction
from them through our efforts, what we can provide, and how well we can
perform. At the same time, the
affirmation we are willing to extend to others will be based on how well they
live up to our expectations of them. The
funny thing is, we expect them to base their satisfaction of us on our “heart
and effort” while we hold them to a perfection model. This only leads us into an endless circle of
hurt-hurt where no one sees the “heart” of the other and our lives spin into a
desperate battle to find fulfillment and satisfaction. The truth is that we do see the true heart of
the other---it is a heart that is committed to a performance model instead of
one that embraces the spiritual nature of our being. Simply stated….we just are not that darn
attractive without our spirit being shining forth. It doesn’t matter how good we look, how much
money we make, how many material things we have accumulated, how much power and
influence we control, or how great our works are. Bottom line, if our spirit is not guiding us
we are basically ugly.
This brings
me to what I believe to be the fundamental mystery of the gospel. As we let God tell us, show us, and convince
us that we are lovable from the inside we start letting go of our need to be
“lovable” on the outside. Let’s go back
to the example of driving through the tunnel.
This is about the time we decide to turn off our own head lights and
stop looking at the lights on the walls.
The lights represent all the physical based affirmation we seek. It is the “false light” that we think we need
to make our journey safe. As soon as we
stop trying to extend a “love” that is selfish and flesh based (not love at
all), and we stop sucking in the same kind of “false love” from others we can
actually see and feel the love of God.
It might only be a slight glow at the end of the tunnel, but the longer
we focus on it the brighter it will get, the more it will shine on us, into us,
and through us. The more it shines
through us the more we impact others because people are designed to respond to
being loved “God’s way”. As we see how
“His love” flowing through us impacts their lives we gain confidence in letting
go of our old emotional crutches. This
is the healing and transformation offered through listening to the Spirit and
the strength of Christ.
Moving back
to the family dynamic I am going to close with the impact a “spirit led” marriage
can have on a family. If mother and
father come together with God at the center they learn to embrace the
fulfillment of a spirit led life. In other
words, the husband becomes satisfied and content simply because he is extending
“love & cover” (following the spirit) as he was designed to do. Compare this to using a tool for the right
purpose. If the tool had emotions it
would feel satisfied when it was used for what it was designed to do and it would
be unsatisfied if it were used for something it was not designed to do (as it
would be awkward and do more damage than good).
At the same time, the wife would be content and satisfied because her
soul would be filled in the way it was designed to be filled. Think of this as a container designed to hold
cold water only. If we pour hot water
into the container in an attempt to store it for our future needs the container
will melt and our hot water will dissipate into the ground around it.
Once father
and mother are committed to this they both begin to realize the joy in simply
living in harmony with their design and letting go of any “need” to manipulate
a response from the other. This filters
down into the very nature of their interactions with their children. Father and mother will ultimately come
together on views regarding family finances, activities, and parenting
choices. The basis of these decisions
will be Spirit led which means they will be what is in the best interest of the
children’s spiritual development instead of what might be “most important” as
deemed by the demands of this physically minded world. Of course the children will respond to this
since they too were designed in the image of God. As the children grow they will feel safe,
protected, and truly loved. Through this
process, their lives will become dependent only on living in harmony with their
spiritual design. Young men will be
fully content being observant to the spirit voice within them and leaning on
Christ’s strength to carry them through the challenges of puberty and the
transitions into the adult world. Young
women will be fully content being spiritual companions to young men without any
need to manipulate attention through physical or emotional means. This will prepare them for a promising future
where they will carry less hurts, habits, and hang-ups into their adult lives
while also providing them with the very foundation of a healthy marital
relationship.
At the very
beginning of this article I made the statement “This journey He has us on is a
process of coming into harmony with His indwelling within us, harmony with His
maturing of us, and harmony with what He is delivering us into….Himself. I challenge you to read over the last
paragraph again and see how this process of trusting the Spirit in the intimacy
of the marriage is critical in the process of being delivered into all that God
has in store for us and all that He desires of us.
Now let’s
take a look at the words God spoke to the children of Israel through Moses just
prior to His giving Moses the text of the Commandments:
You shall teach
them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house
and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
What I
believe God is saying here is exactly what I have outlined above. The foundation of God’s plan of freeing mankind
from the lusts and desires of this world comes through His awakening us to the
Spirit person that lives within. As we
allow ourselves to trust the voice of the Spirit and the strength of Christ we
extend “His love” in a way that we instinctively know we alone are simply not
capable. As we see the impact on others
we realize that we don’t need the things of this world and the false love we
manipulate out of others through them.
As we teach these things to our sons they embrace this aspect of their
nature and honor the young ladies in their lives. As they honor the young ladies both sons and
daughters mature into the very character of God as they move into roll of
father and mother. In this process God
is free to honor His promises of blessing our generations until the end of
time. And this takes us back to the
beginning, to our own lives, our own marriages, and what foundation we will set
for the intimacy we share, how important this all really is, and how it fits
into God’s plan.
Over the
next few weeks we are going to take a look at some other teachings relative to
other “aspects of love”. We will take
the time to look deep into what we are being told and evaluate what the reality
of God is within. I pray that you have
been blessed by what you have read and that your relationships will be brought
deeper into the light and be more Christ filled.
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