Battling Fear

Exodus 13:17-17:16, Beshalach, “When (he) Let Go”

 I am currently in a place of seeking God in a way that is much deeper than my traditional daily walk.  It is amazing that what God is calling me to is taking place at this very intersection of our parsha readings.  About two weeks ago I felt called to cut down an old dead tree on my property, set up my tent, make a fire, and tabernacle with Him for 14 days regarding a specific relationship.  In my mind, the fire represented the relationship between this person and myself.  As such, I committed myself to keeping it burning the entire 14 days because my “goal” in this was for God to “keep the relationship going” in the way I wanted it to be.  Keeping the fire going the entire time was particularly difficult because we had major storms one night, it got very cold and windy, and I had long days where I had to be traveling for business.  Ultimately, through a series of smaller revelations, God led me to the following two major realizations. 

The first is, when life gets difficult, I can tend to repeat patterns that bring me a perceived comfort but only lead me into deeper bondage.  This might include eating patterns, thoughts of sexuality, or not being true to myself within the context of a relationship.  Through this He was showing me my tendency to “return to Egypt” and not trust Him through the desert experiences of life and the struggles of relationships.  I came to understand that “Egypt” isn’t the person, place, or thing that we return to, but it is a state of mind.  It is a place of comfort that we believe is found in and through those people, places, or things that we tend to go to when life gets hard.

The second is really the biggest and just came to me this morning.  I came to realize that in the context of relationship, when things get tough, I tend to push toward resolution.  He showed me that I do this for a few reasons.  None of them are good, and all of them prevent me from being a qualified spiritual head and/or spiritual cover for those that God has entrusted me with. 

Here is what I am seeing.  In the case of a misunderstanding, I take on the burden of the other person.  I feel bad that they are experiencing grief as the result of information that is less than accurate.  This sense of burden leads me toward pressuring them to talk and work toward resolution.  I do this because I don’t like the feeling of being burdened with someone else’s pain, and I don’t like that the other person is experiencing pain based on a misunderstanding with me.  The problem is, I am not their savior.  It is not my responsibility to take on their burdens, and it is not my responsibility to “save” them from the bondage they are experiencing.

The next thing I saw is that I am operating in fear. The truth is, when tension comes into the relationship, I become fearful that the other person, based on their impression of things, is going to do something drastic that will have lasting impacts on the relationship.  If this happens, both of us will suffer loss as the result of a misunderstanding.  I don’t like the idea of this, and it is scary to me.  I don’t like when Satan wins!!

But the reality is, it is when we operate in fear that Satan takes control and wins.  You see, people need processing time and we need to trust God.  When I am capable of slowing down and falling into a place of peace in spite of the storms going on around me, I demonstrate leadership.  In this place of peace, I can extend grace to the other person as they move through their processing.  In this I demonstrate that I am one with Yeshua and safe.  These two things allow the other person the time to process at their own pace without feeling rushed or pressured.  This gives them an appreciation for me and a desire to come back together and talk.  This also gives the Holy Spirit the time to give both of us the opportunity to see things from new perspectives and work out the misunderstandings before we even come together.  In any case, we need to trust that if the relationship is meant to grow, God will be at the center and lead us back together in His time where He knows when that time is best.  If the relationship is not meant to grow, there is nothing we can do to change it, and no matter how much effort we put in, we simply can’t.  This takes us back to a place of peace knowing that God is going to make sure that whatever happens is “best” and in the end, He get’s the glory.

When I think about Moses and the children of Israel in this context, I come to see Moses in a way that I had not seen him before. Throughout the last several readings we have seen the children of Israel holding Moses responsible for how God was interacting in their lives.  In previous readings we didn’t see Moses attempting to correct the people.  We simply see Him going to God and talking to God about it.  In this week’s reading we see a few dynamics.

In Exodus 14:11-13 we read “Then they said to Moses, “Is it because there were no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? Why have you dealt with us in this way, bringing us out of Egypt?  “Is this not the word that we spoke to you in Egypt, saying, ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.”  But Moses said to the people, “Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever. (NASB).

 In this part of the story, we see Moses taking on real spiritual leadership.  In spite of the very real threat of danger, Moses stands firm in his faith.  He makes no attempt to defend himself or to even correct their stinkin thinkin.  He simply tells them “Do not fear!  Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD”.  This is the kind of person I find God leading me into becoming.

On the other hand, let’s look at the thought process of the people. They not only attack Moses, but, in the face of fear, their first instinct is to return to the security of the only thing that they have ever known.  In this case it is to “serve the Egyptians”.  This is a clear statement of believing that bondage would be better than the current situation.  They don’t really want to go back to being slaves of course. But they fear death, and, in their minds, slavery is better than death, so they chose to rebel against Moses and long for the implied security of Egypt.  This is what we do when we return to those people, places, and things that we know are not “best”. We do this because those things provide us an opportunity to return to what we have managed to endure in the past so we can avoid the potential suffering that may lay ahead.  This is the kind of person that God is leading me away from being.

This pattern repeats itself in Exodus 16:2-8.  In the earlier verses we see the children of Israel grumbling against Moses and Aaron over not having food to eat.  As we get to the later verses, we see Moses telling the people that God is going to come through, He is going to provide meat, and that their issue is not with him or Aaron.  He goes on to tell them that God is the one that is hearing them and it is He who will get the glory when things work out.

This takes me back to my story and how important it is that we allow God to be God and that we don’t try to resolve the burdens other people are experiencing.  When we take on their burdens and work in our own strength to resolve their problems, we become their God.  Moses knew better.  He did not take on the burden of the people and simply told them that they needed to turn to Him for their answers.  In doing this he let their fear and discomfort pass from him to God where God could properly deal with it.  Then when God did deal with it, God got the glory as their “savior” and not Moses.  Here again, I see where this is a demonstration of who God is calling me to be.

The pattern repeats itself a third time in this week’s readings.  As we get down to chapter 17, we find the people grumbling at Moses over not having water to drink.  In this case they approach Moses and demand that he produces water for them (Exodus 17:2).  Moses immediately responded by saying “Why do you quarrel with me? Why do you test the LORD?” (NASB).

Again, we find Moses deflecting their attack, not allowing himself to take on their burden, going to God for his answers, and pointing the children of Israel to Him.   Again, God shows up, takes care of the people’s needs and gets the glory for Himself.

From all of this, I gathered a new perspective on what it is to be a “spiritual head”.  What I discovered, is that being a spiritual head is to lead by example and not attempt to be the holy spirit in somebody else's life.  It is not our role to be the one that provide all the answers, facilitates the peace, or gets the glory.

Moses was able to walk in this kind of leadership because he was humble.  He knew that he wasn’t capable of leading these people without God.  He knew that only God could protect them.  And He knew that only God could provide for them.  He knew that they would fall into fear, that they would not understand what God was doing, and that often he would get the blame.  In and through all this, Moses kept his faith in the Lord.  He knew that any attempt to satisfy the people would fail.  He knew that God either would or would not provide.  And he knew that either way, God would ultimately get the glory.  This was enough for Moses.  He didn’t need to have all the answers or know how the story would end.  He simply knew how to point the people to God, look to God for his own answers, and trust that God knew what He was doing.

I pray that each of us grow a little more in this kind of faith each and every day.  I pray that as this faith grows, we discover a greater sense of peace in our lives.  I pray that as we grow in these things, we become better followers who look toward God when things get tough, we resist going back to the things that put us in bondage, and that we support the leaders who God puts over us.  At the same time, I pray that we become better leaders for those that we have been entrusted with, that we resist the temptation to defend ourselves, that we put our faith in Him, and that we emanate peace and grace in our example of how to walk with Him.  All in all, I pray that each and every day we all move a little further out from under the control of fear.  As we allow Him to set us free from fear, we naturally gravitate to a deeper faith that trusts God in all things.  I pray that this is our common journey.  Amen, Amen.