Are we too old for dot to dots?

Over the past few days I have had the opportunity to share with people how God leads me to understanding what it is that He is trying to communicate to me.  I have come to call this process “dot to dot”.  Can you remember when you were a kid and your teacher or mom gave you a piece of paper with a bunch of dots on it.  Each dot had a number written next to it.  As you took your pencil or crayon and traced from dot 1, to dot 2, etc…. you could see an image start to appear.  By the time you connected the marking to the final dot the total image had been marked out and the paper that was once nothing but a bunch of dots and numbers now represented a very particular image.

This is my life with God.  Throughout a typical day I have countless thoughts, each thought is a reaction to something.  Sometimes my thoughts are joyous, sometimes they are angry, sometimes they are happy, and sometimes they are sad.  Sometimes my thoughts are full of confidence, and sometimes they are full of anxiety.  As I have these thoughts I contemplate as to why I am having these thoughts, what stimulated them, and why I am reacting in the way I am.  I think about who is at the center of my thoughts and whose well-being I have not considered.

As I progress through the day’s events I make choices, have thoughts, and get involved in countless interactions and activities.  Each of these becomes available for future call back as I remain intimately aware of the fact that God uses all things for good.  The point is I never want to miss out on an opportunity for spiritual growth because I see spiritual growth as the keys to my future joy, peace, and well-being.  I see how this impacts others and my ability to stand testimony to what I believe God’s truths to be and as such see this process as a foundation to being “His”.

What I am about to share is a very quick, simple, and small dot to dot that provided my oldest son with a clear understanding of something that was being made available to him.  It happened to be one more dot in the picture God was painting for me as it gave the image already created more form and definition.  This is only a small part of a much greater image that unto itself is still just a small part of God’s ultimate reality.

I am sharing this with Tyler’s permission.  He has agreed to this transparency as he believes the truths revealed in this image are foundational to any man and woman desiring to have a healthy relationship with the opposite sex.  It is with both of our prayers that we share the following:

Over the past few months God has been working on helping me understand particular truths regarding affirmation within the male/female relationship.  The “dot to dot” which God had been painting with the ups and downs of our lives over the past several months ultimately provided a clear image.  Clear enough to gain a deep understanding of myself, Robyn, and God’s design that is stamped on our being.

Yesterday as I was driving with my oldest son I decided this understanding is one that a responsible father should be comfortable sharing with his 20 year old son.  So I did.  I explained how God had shown me that every aspect of our society sells men and women on turning toward physical affirmation as the source for feeling fully “MAN” or fully “WOMAN”.  The physical affirmation for men is sought in all aspects of life, in the giving of gifts, the providing of income, protection of the family, wisdom, athletics, whatever talent we may have, and of course in our sexual relationships.  The physical affirmation for women is sought in all aspects of life too.

Deep within us is a spiritual man that was designed to be a spiritual cover to our wives.  The reality is that the spiritual woman was designed to respond to a man living in harmony with this aspect of his design.   Spiritually we were designed to build each other up.  Our spiritual cover affirms the woman as being worthy of our sacrifice and their affirming response to our effort builds us up and encourages us.  It is this building up that propels us to continue our spiritual growth as we become more and more capable of being humbled under the voice of our great and awesome God.  This process leads the family toward a greater and greater God likeness which enables us to do His work His way.

It is during our childhood, teens, and young adult years where we build a foundation of expectations of others (what they must do to win our approval) and our approach to gaining affirmation from others and ourselves.

What we embrace becomes the foundation of our relationships.  As we move into marriage the foundation is either strengthened or destroyed through the interactions with our spouses.  For me, God provided a Godly wife who has helped me (with His strength) to crush the foundation built and reinforced through a lifetime of implied rejections.

I say “implied rejections” because I had built my foundation on the physical.  The reality is a foundation based on the physical will never fulfill.  If our foundation is physical our thirst is never satisfied.  Even if we try to quench it by reducing our demands we are faced with an inevitable truth.  In the end we are fighting a futile battle against time.  Our ability to meet the demands we place on ourselves and the perceived demands of others ultimately slips between our aging fingers.  In the end our physical being ultimately returns to dust.  Our roads all end the same……with a total loss of all physical things.

After I finished sharing, Tyler responded by saying that what I shared makes perfect sense but that it is just so hard.  I expressed that I understood.  He then shared how this weekend had been a particularly hard weekend, and that he really felt like giving up; Giving up on finding a young lady who takes God’s ways seriously and embraces them as a pathway to a better life.  He shared that he sees women as so difficult to get along with and so hard to please.  I asked him why he was saying that.  He told me that he had asked Robyn about taking him to church on Sunday at 9:00.  He said that Robyn had responded by saying that she was going to the 11:00 service.  He said he walked away dejected and feeling hurt.  We talked a little longer and he shared that he and Tristan had gone to play pool after church.  He said that right after they got to the pool hall two young ladies walked in wearing short skirts, looking very sexy, and obviously noticing Tristan and he.  He went on to say that ever since the image of them walking across the room has been burned into his memory and no amount of prayer seems to help get the image out of his mind.

With that I asked him if he understood the depth of what God was communicating to the two of us. 

First of all, Robyn actually said “I am going to the 11:00 but would be happy to take you at 9:00 so you can play in the band”.  The only problem is that as soon as Tyler heard “I am going to the 11:00” his mind shut down.

Here are the dots:

Dot 1—God’s revelation to me and my sharing it with Tyler—We are conditioned from a young age to seek physical affirmation from women.  We give up on being spiritual leaders and concentrate on being physical providers.

Dot 2—Tyler views Robyn as cold and thoughtless as the result of his own misunderstanding.

Dot 3—Tyler’s misunderstanding is the result of his feeling like a burden to the family.

Dot 4—This reminded him of his poor life choices over the past few years.

Dot 5—By this point he was feeling really bad about himself and in desperate need of affirmation.

Dot 6—In not being able to accept responsibility for his own actions he turns his misunderstanding with Robyn into a full blow case of seeing her as un-Godly and non-Christ like.

Dot 7—In seeking something to do to make himself feel better he goes to the pool hall to play pool.

Dot 8—At his lowest emotional point, while stewing over the pathetic nature of women, with a lost hope of finding a Godly woman, two sexy young ladies walk across, in short skirts, and catch his eye.

Dot 9—He is frustrated that “prayer won’t even help get rid of the image burnt into his mind”, and

Dot 10—He is fighting the conclusion that he may as well give up on ever having a Godly woman in his life.  His thoughts have been driven to “Why continue to wait since the end result will be the same regardless.  He will end up with a woman who will not affirm him as the spiritual leader because all women really want is physical satisfaction (comfort, protection, luxury, cars, homes, vacations, things done, things provided,….).”

After walking him through the connections he no longer saw the events as individual and isolated dots and numbers on a meaningless piece of paper.  He was amazed at the level of intimacy God works in our lives and saw the picture clearly.  Together we realized that:

The reality is that dots 9 & 10 conflict each other.  If we have built a foundation believing point 10, there isn’t enough prayer in the world that will free us from what we believe.  Every time we pray it God shows up.  He tells us we have to let go of our foundation of physical affirmation and everything we bring into our lives required to support that effort.  He tells us that we need to step up to the plate as spiritual leaders.  He tells us to let go of our foundation and follow Him.  He promises that doing so will bring us all our spirit desires and nothing else will quench the thirst rising up from within us.

Because we believe so deeply in our foundation we cannot do what God has called us to do.  We cannot pick up our cross and we cannot follow Him.  So we remain with those images burnt into our minds not understanding that it is our own faith in a false foundation that keeps us bound to that thirst that cannot be satisfied.  It is our false foundations and the associated thoughts and life choices that keep us from becoming the spiritual leaders our wives need, our families deserve, and our God has called us to be.

God will allow us our free will and has given us the right to choose.  At the same time He has promised us His strength.  Are you connecting the dots in your life?  Have you prayed for His help?  Has He shown you where you have built your house on a sand foundation that will fail you?  Are you going to listen to His advice?  Can you let Him give you the strength and the materials to build a new foundation, one of stone, one that will endure the test of time, one that is of the spirit not the flesh, one that will be there even when your physical presence is gone and has returned to dust?

I pray that this has in some way helped you and will provide for a deeper and more meaningful relationship between you and your spouse.  I pray that it will provide a path for a deeper and more meaningful relationship between you and your God.  I pray that you have a blessed week and that your efforts be fruitful.